Time passed within a flick, I am currently working inside the gallery.

Setting up the Gallery

We’ve just moved into the gallery this week, working on makeshift tables and chairs as the furniture have yet to arrive. Have designed the namecards and flyers, and am now left with the brochure design. Currently, the gallery is not opened yet and therefore my working hours are pretty fixed, the usual 9-6 timing. However my boss has this brilliant idea that he wants the gallery to open when all the others are closed, so I’m afraid I might need to work till 9pm at night sometimes.

The first exhibition will be held in the mid of January and I am pretty excited about it. Mostly excited about the planning of a series of new workshops though. Will update on my ideas when i have something more concrete.

Advertisements

This had been one of my most unproductive week by far. I need to learn how to create partitions for my head so I can temporarily cast all my troubles aside and come back to it at a more convenient time. Wishful thinking!

I am such a paradox sometimes. I am usually reserved and skeptical about strangers,however once the line is crossed and the transition into friendship takes place…trust and belief in the person will be given almost instantly. And guess people do take advantage of it somehow.

Call it naivety if you wish, I would always love to have faith and trust in people although I do know we humans are subjected to extreme fallibility.

Why still choose to do so despite knowing so? Well, in my perspective, the people around us..did not become the way they are( be it good or bad) just like that. They had gone through a series of processes before arriving to where they are. And most people who are “bad” were probably not as “bad” some time ago. Something must have happened that had shaped them into the way they are now.

Beneath a critical person, he/she perhaps needs lots of assurance himself/herself as he might be really insecure or inconfident about himself. Beneath a cynical person, he/she might have been hurt by people who he cared about very much. You get the idea right? And of course I do believe that some people were just inborn or rather prone towards certain negative traits, for eg: self centered, pessimistic, etc. However  I believe that majority of people are not bad creatures in general.

I’ve been burnt so many times, for trusting in people. It’s not that I don’t learn from my lesson but it’s due to my childish belief that people would be won over by kindness. I thought that by taking the first step of trusting and believing in the person would help to make him/she feel good and appreciated. Let’s put it simply that I thought kindness begets kindness.

Apparently not.

The world has become so messed up that sometimes “conscience” might not even exist. Human go to the extremes finding excuses to justify their faults or cover up totally. Using even the sciences to justify wrong morals. For example, why do men have a higher tendency to cheat? Oh because their biology makeup claims that they need to look for different mates and sow their seeds……to populate the world. Okay I’m being sarcastic but you get the gist.

And strangely when some people have taken advantage of someone, they blamed it upon the other person being stupidly kind or naive.

The really scary part is that some people manipulate others without the awareness that they are doing so. Think carefully, how many times a situation started with you feeling unjustified and after “clarification” or “confrontation”, you ended being the “bad guy” or deemed as the one making fuss. You ended up being the one feeling apologetic for something that you felt wronged about or victimized in the beginning.

It gets pretty disheartening sometimes but I am trying to stay optimistic..there must still be like-minded people out there.

I definitely hope I will not get jaded one day.

I have a temptation to just leave everything behind, to go to somewhere new where nobody knows me and I know nobody. Start a new life with no ambitions or significant plans, pursue random things and activities.

Teach children english, maths, arts or music or volunteer in an orphanage. Go to the hilltop before the sunset, enjoy the breeze and write songs and poetry under a pine tree. Roam down streets, stop by a cafe when tired to have some tea and just watch people pass me by.

Don’t need to worry about how much money I want to make, the place I want to be in society,finding love, keeping love, the lifestyle I want to provide for my family, basically the never ending rat race.

Sometimes everything gets too overwhelming, get so tired trying to fight my way through basically everything.

Need to fight for what I believe, fight for my values, fight to change destiny, fight when life tries to bring me down, fight when people try to bring me down, fight for love, fight to keep love, fight when losing love, fight to remain sane, fight to remain hopeful, fight to be myself.

Are things really that complicated or human just make things complicated?

Or subconsciously human wants things to be complicated so that life would not be monotonous or mundane?

Why do people change? Do people change when they are tired of the “fight”? Better to give into the world’s expectations than to stick firm to one’s beliefs?

It is always easier to change and be part of the norm than to go against the flow.

It is always easier to agree than to disagree.

And you can probably sense the storm going through my little heavy head now.

I will rest for now, and be ready to fight again.

I am sitting at my work desk now, counting the hours to knock off.

I’m totally not in a mood or rather can’t be productive today. You know, I am really starting to adapt to whatever life is throwing at me.

I am sad today. I feel like crying at every opportunity. I feel like running as fast as my legs can carry me. I feel like going somewhere far away alone and write poetry.

Despite all that, I know all these gloom I feel today will pass and I will be good again.

I’ve learnt much the past year.  I’ve learnt what’s heartbreak, losing someone, moving on, how to fight to stay strong, letting go, being patient, being the smaller person, tolerance.

It is sometimes demoralising to have to face setback after setback. However I feel myself gaining strength each time I crossed the obstacle. Sometimes I feel so alone, having to go through everything all by myself. I have great friends by my side but no matter how well they understand you, they are not you. They can never totally understand how you really feel.  At the same time, I get to know myself even more and become even more sure of myself.

So you out there might feel sad today or maybe sad one day just like how I am feeling now, but remember all will pass like the rain and the skies will be blue again.

Seriously, I admire the discipline of how some people have the discipline to blog so often. To date, I think I have more drafts than published entries. I would type halfway and then just got stuck, unable to clearly express my thoughts. Saving whatever I’ve typed as a draft but would forget about it within the next couple of hours.

I have just returned from Europe. Spent two weeks touring- London, Rome, Venice, Florence and Paris. Pretty tight schedule but would say I had lots of fun especially when it comes to eating.No places beat Rome to have the best and reasonably priced pasta and pizza. Shopping is the best in Florence. While Paris definitely have the nicest night life. Perhaps I shall write in depth of my journey when I have time. Meanwhile I’ll just post one picture(favourite) that I’ve taken for each city I went.

I am still suffering for jetlag and finding it really hard to sleep, however by the end of this entry, I’ll be ready to get into slumber.

London

Rome

Venice

Florence

Paris

Okay I am still not sleepy yet but I’ll try to sleep…got work tomorrow so I can’t really afford to stay up the whole night:(

 

I’ve always think I know.

What is love?

What is love to you?

Do we really know?

Hmm…something to ponder on..

Who ever said moving on is easy? Sometimes, the past just comes back and engulfs one in a strain of various emotions. If anyone has ever lost a loved one, a close friend, etc for some reasons, would probably know what I mean.

“Once in a while
You are in my mind
I think about the days that we had
And i dream that these would all come back to me
If only you knew every moment in time
Nothing goes on in my heart
Just like your memories
How I want here to be with you
Once more”

After all, it is unlikely not to miss someone whom you’ve spend almost a decade of your life with.

I don’t want to conceal these feelings. I want to confront it. It makes me vulnerable but so what? I’m only human.

“We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed”

2010 is a year that has been putting me through many changes and challenges. Whatever I’ve known, strongly believed in and expectations of life seem to be put to a test by people I meet and other circumstances.

I can’t help but to feel discouraged at times. Sometimes, I feel as if I am like a frail flower in the wind; trying to stay steadfast and not be blown away or be broken by the harsh surroundings.

And then I’ll think about all the things that I’ve already gone through and borrow some strength from it. I’ll constantly remind myself, repeating again and again in my head, ” You gotta remember that you are different. YOU ARE DIFFERENT. Don’t be swayed to bend or conform to the warped values and rules of the society.”

I think it works. Or rather it has always worked for me since I was a kid. For you guys who didn’t know, I went through quite a rough childhood and teenage-hood. It was really difficult to pull through at certain periods and really easy to just falter in one’s beliefs.

Life is not easy. It never is.

Nor life is fair. It never will be.

However we got to find strength within ourselves to fight the battle. We never really win but we will stop ourselves from caving in and being less than who we really are.

The problem with experience is that it gives you knowledge. And the knowledge is a double-edged sword, which can be beneficial at times however may also implant fear in one.

” In regards to the future, it’s a good thing that we do not know enough to be pessimistic”

Therefore the constant reminder of “You are different” to oneself does not work as effectively as it would when I was much younger and more innocent. So I add to the reminder to self that many extraordinary successful people have met with many obstacles and failures before arriving to what they have. Just like the quote:

“History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats. “ –B. C. Forbes

Therefore, if you ever feel too weary and am tempted to give up…DON’T!

The pain is natural and mixed feelings of disappointment, discouragement and unhappiness might occur but continue to persist on. I will never know what the future holds but all I know for now is that I won’t let anything pull me down. And so won’t you too! 🙂

“Pain nourishes courage. You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.”



There’s many things running through my head and I would really get them all out and share it with you guys here. However, as you know I’m feeling as exhausted as ever again and therefore gonna keep this entry short.

With the piling up of work responsibilities, I am struggling to keep a healthy balance between work, social life and my own personal time. I decided that I really have to do something about it. Better time management will surely help..at least I think so. And with an organised time management will definitely be of a greater assistance, isn’t it so?

The ever resourceful as ever Google Queen that I am has combed through the net and decided that these planners are gonna be great for myself and anybody!

And I’m pleased to share with you guys…

TADA……!!

A combination of weekly and daily planners below:

http://www.4shared.com/minifolder/F_SBenuq/sharing.html

I’m sitting by the river, watching the world go by. Sometimes I really cherish times like this; there’s a special kind of serenity when one is at peace with himself and all that around.

I had been so busy lately that I missed my favourite evenings and sunsets. I love it when the sky is still blue and bright yet the sunlight’s gentle to the eyes. I love how the sunrays filter softly through the gaps of leaves. I love the orange hue that casts over the sky. I love the whole harmony of the evenings. It never fails to remind me of the one above.

Sometimes it’s really easy to be contented. A moment like this is one of the simplest pleasures of life.

The ability to just be still…not rushing, be rushed, not anxious, not desperate, not sad, feeling nothing at all but peace, can be such a joy.

Let me enjoy this while I can 🙂