Archives for posts with tag: Faith

I am sitting on a bench by the river, looking at the gradual darkening clouds which are hovering over me. I watch people pass me by, all at different paces. Recently there has been so much unrest in the world.

An deadly earthquake followed by radiation threats in Japan, the unrest in Libya, the protest in London, nuclear threats here and there, and the list follows. Should I be glad that I am living in a city where most disasters barely touch us, where there isn’t any real politics to speak of, where the billionaires and millionaires are flooding in, where there isn’t any external threats… Whenever I watch the news and see all the troubles other places are facing, I know I should feel much fortunate.

But why do I feel a constant weight on my shoulders? I laugh but not really truly laughing. I keep this cool nonchalant front while thousands of woes and thoughts are swarming within my head. The stress of meeting expectations ,especially my own, are so overwhelming sometimes that I just need to find a corner where no one can see me and cry.

Some friends do not understand why I am driving myself so hard. They say easily, ” You are still young, you have plenty of time. Take things easy.”

However what they don’t know is that I can’t really take things easy for one very simple reason.

I never felt that I am ordinary and I don’t want to be ordinary.

And if that it is so, I cannot simply take the same measures as what a person would usually take. If you make average options, you end up being an average person, isn’t it so?

During this trying period of my life, I reminded myself constantly to continue pushing on despite lack of support from people around me. It may be difficult but I believe that success do not come easily. Perseverance will allow one to see the fruits one day.

So if you are also struggling today, please continue to hang on there. The butterfly always need to give a good fight to emerge from the cocoon.

Where shall I start?

Sometimes I wish that there’s a technology that can capture particular thoughts which one cannot record in time.

I am currently sitting at Starbucks, feeling an urge to go to the toilet yet do not feel like leaving my seat just yet.

Mmm..How shall I sum up the lengthy amount of things that had happened…

And so I successful set up an art gallery within three months, left the job, went to Bangkok twice in January looking into the possibility of taking over my mother’s business and also setting up a cafe. Currently encouraged by my boyfriend, I am also trying to start my label ( the one that I stopped halfway in 2010) while looking for a job in the corporate world for experience.

I know as a fresh grad without much experience, one cannot be choosy or too selective. However I cannot help but feel less excited about applying to certain companies “just for the sake of it”. I was feeling down and really stressed about my situation. I did try a number of things to make me feel better such as meeting people, organising networking events, going to entrepreneur talks, however the fact that time is passing rapidly each day and my bank account shrinking with it does not help.

The last entry I was blogging about that being stuck in the bottomless pit is good in a way as one cannot get any lower in it. And yes indeed I have some good news to share.

It is barely anything to celebrate yet but it is kinda like a spark that lights in my “bottomless pit” and therefore its presence overwhelms greatly in the darkness.

I applied to Procter & Gamble several weeks ago. This will be really be considered as the “DREAM JOB” and also “THE COMPANY” that I want to work for. I took the personality test online and went through to the reasoning test. And then an email told me that they would inform me if I made it to the next round of application. A week passed and then another. I was kinda disappointed although I didn’t really tell anyone. Of course the first reason is that ” oh no I’ve missed my chance” and then the next ” Maybe I am not as smart as I thought to pass the reasoning test”.

Well it’s been a month since the last test I took and guess what?

I received an email yesterday that informed me to go down to the office for the next round of test! 🙂

Well, let’s see how things go. Life being so unpredictable and hope comes when one least expects.

Meanwhile I am going to continue to meet up friends, mentors and contacts, it gets tiring but I will keep on going finding clovers 🙂

One of my favourite P&G ads  Emotional Marketing) so good that I teared..

Pantene Commercial ( Thailand)

This had been one of my most unproductive week by far. I need to learn how to create partitions for my head so I can temporarily cast all my troubles aside and come back to it at a more convenient time. Wishful thinking!

I am such a paradox sometimes. I am usually reserved and skeptical about strangers,however once the line is crossed and the transition into friendship takes place…trust and belief in the person will be given almost instantly. And guess people do take advantage of it somehow.

Call it naivety if you wish, I would always love to have faith and trust in people although I do know we humans are subjected to extreme fallibility.

Why still choose to do so despite knowing so? Well, in my perspective, the people around us..did not become the way they are( be it good or bad) just like that. They had gone through a series of processes before arriving to where they are. And most people who are “bad” were probably not as “bad” some time ago. Something must have happened that had shaped them into the way they are now.

Beneath a critical person, he/she perhaps needs lots of assurance himself/herself as he might be really insecure or inconfident about himself. Beneath a cynical person, he/she might have been hurt by people who he cared about very much. You get the idea right? And of course I do believe that some people were just inborn or rather prone towards certain negative traits, for eg: self centered, pessimistic, etc. However  I believe that majority of people are not bad creatures in general.

I’ve been burnt so many times, for trusting in people. It’s not that I don’t learn from my lesson but it’s due to my childish belief that people would be won over by kindness. I thought that by taking the first step of trusting and believing in the person would help to make him/she feel good and appreciated. Let’s put it simply that I thought kindness begets kindness.

Apparently not.

The world has become so messed up that sometimes “conscience” might not even exist. Human go to the extremes finding excuses to justify their faults or cover up totally. Using even the sciences to justify wrong morals. For example, why do men have a higher tendency to cheat? Oh because their biology makeup claims that they need to look for different mates and sow their seeds……to populate the world. Okay I’m being sarcastic but you get the gist.

And strangely when some people have taken advantage of someone, they blamed it upon the other person being stupidly kind or naive.

The really scary part is that some people manipulate others without the awareness that they are doing so. Think carefully, how many times a situation started with you feeling unjustified and after “clarification” or “confrontation”, you ended being the “bad guy” or deemed as the one making fuss. You ended up being the one feeling apologetic for something that you felt wronged about or victimized in the beginning.

It gets pretty disheartening sometimes but I am trying to stay optimistic..there must still be like-minded people out there.

I definitely hope I will not get jaded one day.

“We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed”

2010 is a year that has been putting me through many changes and challenges. Whatever I’ve known, strongly believed in and expectations of life seem to be put to a test by people I meet and other circumstances.

I can’t help but to feel discouraged at times. Sometimes, I feel as if I am like a frail flower in the wind; trying to stay steadfast and not be blown away or be broken by the harsh surroundings.

And then I’ll think about all the things that I’ve already gone through and borrow some strength from it. I’ll constantly remind myself, repeating again and again in my head, ” You gotta remember that you are different. YOU ARE DIFFERENT. Don’t be swayed to bend or conform to the warped values and rules of the society.”

I think it works. Or rather it has always worked for me since I was a kid. For you guys who didn’t know, I went through quite a rough childhood and teenage-hood. It was really difficult to pull through at certain periods and really easy to just falter in one’s beliefs.

Life is not easy. It never is.

Nor life is fair. It never will be.

However we got to find strength within ourselves to fight the battle. We never really win but we will stop ourselves from caving in and being less than who we really are.

The problem with experience is that it gives you knowledge. And the knowledge is a double-edged sword, which can be beneficial at times however may also implant fear in one.

” In regards to the future, it’s a good thing that we do not know enough to be pessimistic”

Therefore the constant reminder of “You are different” to oneself does not work as effectively as it would when I was much younger and more innocent. So I add to the reminder to self that many extraordinary successful people have met with many obstacles and failures before arriving to what they have. Just like the quote:

“History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats. “ –B. C. Forbes

Therefore, if you ever feel too weary and am tempted to give up…DON’T!

The pain is natural and mixed feelings of disappointment, discouragement and unhappiness might occur but continue to persist on. I will never know what the future holds but all I know for now is that I won’t let anything pull me down. And so won’t you too! 🙂

“Pain nourishes courage. You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you.”

Have you ever been at a point of your life when you feel like you are situated right in the middle of the crossroads?

It may be crossroads in your family life, career, relationship, personal life, etc…  You’re not too sure of which way to go, not certain which will be the best route to your destination. So afraid to make a choice, so afraid you’d get it wrong.

I am just like that. I know where I want to be at the end of the day but just not too sure how to get there. I am also afraid to make a wrong choice or take the wrong route. I always wished there’s a Dummies book for life. (I have a thing for self-help/motivational/diy books) Too bad there isn’t a manual for life and even if there is, it’s not going to be applicable.

The encouraging news is that besides you being not alone, and there’s no perfect route. Therefore it doesn’t matter which route you are currently on because it wouldn’t have been that great either on the other route. You know while driving, one may make a wrong turn sometimes; it may just require a fast U-turn to get back on track or sometimes it may become a longer en route. And during the en route, we may discover a new place, something interesting, never knows! However as long you have the destination of the place you want to be at clearly in your head, you will get there eventually. No matter which route we take to reach our destinations, we will learn something valuable from it.

And so I realised that instead of just lingering in one spot as time runs like sand in the hourglass, I need to just be brave and make the first move. I need to take the leap of faith.

After being stuck at the crossroads for so long, I’ve finally made up my mind.

Even after consulting with different people whom I trust for advice eg: mentors, friends, family, I was still feeling rather uncertain and insecure. However I decided it’s time to end all the wishywashy-ness, I just got to have faith (some will say trust your gut feelings) and made up my mind to take up the job offer from one of the start-ups.

When everything has been finalised, I shall blog about the new job and the experiences that come along with it.

I am pretty much excited to start work, anticipating both challenges and the vast learning opportunities. I have no concrete idea how the new working life will be for me. After all, this is going to be my first full-time job. However I am all ready for the run and hurdles that’s going to come. I am ready to emerge stronger and better than ever.

Meanwhile in other aspects of my life, I guess it’s time for me to truly let go of the past as well. Of course it can’t be done within a single day, but I know I’ll eventually arrive there. One just have to continue having faith, hope and the courage because there’s no other way to move on.

“Some think it’s holding on that makes one strong; sometimes it’s letting go.”

It’s another long day.

Funny how I am feeling relieved just to be on my bed these days…to be finally alone.

Am I becoming weaker? Or am I just afraid?Afraid of people…Afraid that the world might really be not so pretty as most people paint it, afraid that I might just become just another jaded person amidst the crowd?

It’s also funny how one can feel lonely while being surrounded by so many people.

If only there’s someone else who understands..who knows and also believes in the same things…

Some people told me that I shouldn’t be too nice, too trusting, too blablablabla…or I’ll be taken advantage of. I always brush them away, believing so firmly that being genuine and kind will melt all walls and barriers that people build. Why am I feeling so miserable then? So miserable just trying to be myself now? So difficult to retain being true and not wavered by the surrounding..or rather, not feel demoralised.

It gets quite discouraging sometimes.

Try to be the most(my best) supportive and independent daughter = taken for granted by parents.

Try to be the most(my best) faithful and forgiving girlfriend = taken for granted by the ex

Try to be the most(my best) understanding and kind person = taken for granted by people

okayy at least I have a bunch of friends who really cherish me and are always so supportive of me. I should be counting my blessing. But I guess it’s human’s nature to feel discouraged when one is being unappreciated or when not receiving enough care and concern?

So can I really blame people for being jaded? It’s so tempting to love less, care less, involve ourselves less and so that it will hurt less.

It is so difficult to love people without the slightest expectation. I am no saint. I don’t expect rewards or gifts or favours. But perhaps a smile, a hug or even a thank-you is good enough? An acknowledgment to one’s existence and doings is so important?

Is it another of life’s lesson to me?

“To love means loving the unlovable.

To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable.

Faith means believing the unbelievable.

Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”

Warm tears are running down my cheeks as I type this entry.

Hurt. Cause you can’t get the acknowledgment, trust and faith you wished you could get from the very people you care the most. And it’s just isn’t there.

Helplessness. Cause you want to get the acknowledgment, trust and faith but you can’t do it at the moment. At this very instant. You really really want to but just can’t…for now.

Fear. What ifs. What if you can’t prove yourself. What if you failed. What if you can’t live up to whatever you claim you can be. Not that you don’t believe you in yourself but it’s also so important for the people you love to believe in you. Because at the very end of the day, we…are just these really fragile beings that want to live up to expectations, to prove ourselves and perhaps to provide a reason for people to love us.

I am standing at this crossroads now. Not the usual cross-shaped crossroads but crossroads within crossroads. In fact it looks more like an asterisk and I am situated right in the centre. Lots of decisions. Choices. Expectations. Consequences.


Frankly. It’s freaking scary.

If you are someone with as many goals and ambition as me, I think you’ll know what I mean.

It’s possible to accomplish things alone. Definitely possible but not easy. But it would definitely help if the closest people around are supportive and that would provide you with more courage and confidence.

That boils down to FAITH.

What’s faith?

Faith occurs when one believes in something that cannot be seen or something which haven’t been actualize yet.

And it’s a really important component in life. In fact one of the most important and fundamental thing in life.

My life can vow for it. Faith.

I’ve always lived by it. And that’s the only reason I’ve lived.

No matter how many bad or unfortunate things can happen to me. By faith, by believing in there’s something good( that had not happen), I pulled through.

However having faith alone is not good enough.

Faith becomes even more powerful when more people believe in the same thing.It is a chain reaction akin to a chemical reaction.When a certain ingredient multiplies, it becomes stronger and the results will be more tremendous.

The world these days lack of faith. Be it in themselves or most of the cases, on others. Why is this so?

There are a number of reasons.

1. Jaded by life experiences.

2. Fear.

Actually I could probably list more reasons down but i realised that everything boils down to fear and…self.

When you don’t believe in someone, you are

  • afraid of getting hurt
  • afraid of being disappointed
  • afraid of giving too much of yourself which = afraid of getting hurt

The root of the such a faithless society is that the majority emphasizes too much on self-protection.

Protect your rights. Protect your well-being. Protect your heart.

If everyone’s so busy protecting themselves and giving so little of what they can give. Can’t really complain why the society is so screwed up these days.Lack of love, compassion, empathy, etc..etc..

Have you ever at some point of your life wished that a particular person or group of people would have had believed in you, trusted in you, basically have faith in you?

If yes, have a little faith in someone who needs that from you today.

PS: My tears have stopped running. For all those who can’t gain the faith from people you care about, you can still have faith in yourself.  Good things are still more infectious than the bad. Darkness ceased to survive where there’s light.

Faith is like the wind. You know when it’s there.

You can’t see it but you can feel it.