Archives for posts with tag: Relationships

It’s always the littlest things that people forget.

But it’s always the littlest things that count.

My day started off slightly gloomly, affected by my colleague’s melancholy. The gloominess of the invisible sky above the crown of my head seemed to just aggravate as the day goes along, together with the “aura” emitted from her. I somewhat believe in positive/negative energy.

Anyway it had been a rather fruitful day of christmas gift shopping and catching up with dear people to me. This incident somehow revealed to me how blessed I am. I received facebook messages from friends I just met not too long ago, expressing their concern,regret and then support. It really touched my heart as they were so sweet and genuine although we did not have too many encounters with each other.

I am fortunate to have people around me who always believe in me and sees potential or capabilities when I could not see. It matters so much because it gives me an extra boost while I am struggling to live up to my own expectations to myself.

I feel sad for some people when they do not see the blessings they have in their life or the great people that they have around them. Do one really have to lose something to know the importance of it?

May I never take the littlest things for granted 🙂



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Surprisingly I slept through the whole night, only waking up at 6am. Normally when I am troubled, I would just keep waking up throughout the night. Guess I’m doing good 🙂 Though my heart was feeling slightly heavy. I think it is a mixture of different couple things. Probably it’s the stress from work, the embarkation from the end of one chapter of my life to the next chapter, personal expectations, and more.

Everything happens for a reason.

I really can’t emphasize that enough, it is scary to look back and see how events mapped out and where they lead to. All these experiences really helped in my understanding of people, love, expectations, …

Let’s talk about love a little today.

Why do things go wrong?

Because most of us got a wrong illusion of love.

I can never use the word “love” carelessly when it comes to telling it to males who I was romantically involved with.

Love is not just a fleeting feeling.

Nor is the adrenaline that rush down you when you see the person.

Love is not a feeling, love is a decision you make and continue to make in order to create an experience that is described as love. Love is an action that if you don’t use it you lose it.  Love is like any communication, if you never send it out, you won’t get a return.  Love is something you give to others not something you feel because something happens to you.

Most of my life I was under the delusion that love was a feeling, something that was going to happen to me. Love is not something that happens to you but something that you make happen to you and happen to others. Love is something that grows from your actions and decisions and if you don’t have it and or not experiencing it then there is something you don’t know about love!” –Grant Cardone
Read more: http://www.articlesbase.com/relationships-articles/love-is-a-decision-not-a-feeling-777572.html#ixzz18mm1WVfV

Credits to: http://mihaisk.deviantart.com/#/d2pt7en

Why shouldn’t you use the word “love” carelessly?

Although I never used it in the last relationship I was in, I was being told that he loved me. And indeed, it set some expectations and hopes into me.

Words need to be used responsibly. Love itself is also a responsibility.Using it irresponsibly sets false expectations and hopes in the other. Because to some, “I Love You” may be something really significant.

Love..is when you strip everything off from that person and you still love him/her.

Even if the person lost his/her great job, beauty, got scarred, crippled, poor, and so..you still love him/her.

Not possible?

It is..because I’ve really loved before.

For those who don’t know, I was in a 8 years relationship before. There was of course a lot of turbulence inside of the relationship, especially when both parties are so young and the relationship had been so long. We had strong feelings for each other, perhaps contributed by time or maybe because we were best friends with each other. It was my first relationship, therefore I was uncertain if he was the one and if that was really love. Was I just used to him being the only guy in my life, and the relationship has just became a habit or it was really love??? There were many times when I questioned myself if I loved him? And after a process of questioning myself, I knew I did.

My interview to myself

1. Will you forgive him if he cheats? He mildly cheated/deceived me before but I always took him back. And though painful, if he really did so and ask for forgiveness, I would.

2. If he doesn’t have what he has not, would you still feel the same? Yes, I believe in his abilities to be anything.

3. If he got crippled, scarred or whatsoever, would you still be there? I stuttered a little at this…never a be fan of decapitation. I pondered longer at this and finally, it’s a yes. It matters at the same time and doesn’t matter at the same time. I don’t really know how to explain it.

4. Would you rather bear the pain of he cheating on you or rather he died in an accident? I could feel the stab at the thought of either possibilities as I thought about it. I was really surprised with my own answer actually. I would rather he cheated on me, left me than him dying. I can’t bear the thought of him no longer being alive, even if he wasn’t with me.

And then I knew I really loved him. The last question was kinda redundant because it was pretty obvious.

5. Would you die for him, like shield him from an accident,etc? Yes.

Love is never judgmental, critical or selfish. It is always forgiving.

So where have all of us gone wrong?
We didn’t fall in love, but we are in love with the feelings of being in love.
Why do potentially good relationships, or marriages break apart? Why do people cheat?

Because they thought that love is just a feeling.

Music can be very therapeutic in many ways. It helps one to sort out of emotions,  or even sort as a form of release especially when one can relate to the lyrics. Many months ago, I was doing a search on breakup songs (I know it seems kinda dumb but I was in quite a mess beginning of the year) and couldn’t really find a really nice list. Therefore I’ve decided to put up a list of it now that I am going through another one. Actually the songs are really nice to listen whether you are broken-hearted or not.

I’ll continue to update on this list and add more categories.

List of MOVING ON/ BREAKUP SONGS

1. Alanis morrissette-Narcissus

Not exactly my favourite tune, but like the interesting lyrics. I’m sure most have met people as described in the song 🙂

2. Stacie Orrico – I’m Not Missing You

I would say this song sums up my romantic relationships this year.

 

3. Joy Williams – If You Wanna Go

I really like the melody and the simplicity of the lyrics. And it also captures the essence of my current breakup.

 

4. Letoya Luckett – Don’t Need You

Was on my constant playlist beginning of the year.Very nice motivational song with great bass. (Nice for runs)

5. Pussy Cats Dolls- Hush Hush Hush

Will always love this. Favourite song to dance to:)

6. Nelly- Just a Dream

Although I like the cover of it done by a girl on youtube much better.

7. Bruno Mars- Grenade

One of the latest songs at the moment. Easy to listen to.

8. Ne-Yo – Single

A good addition to the playlist with a nice rhythm.

9. Glen Hansard- Falling Slowly

Not exactly a breakup song but it has something very soothing about it. I love this song from the first moment I heard it few years back. Breakup or not.

10. On hold…

 

It’s another long day.

Funny how I am feeling relieved just to be on my bed these days…to be finally alone.

Am I becoming weaker? Or am I just afraid?Afraid of people…Afraid that the world might really be not so pretty as most people paint it, afraid that I might just become just another jaded person amidst the crowd?

It’s also funny how one can feel lonely while being surrounded by so many people.

If only there’s someone else who understands..who knows and also believes in the same things…

Some people told me that I shouldn’t be too nice, too trusting, too blablablabla…or I’ll be taken advantage of. I always brush them away, believing so firmly that being genuine and kind will melt all walls and barriers that people build. Why am I feeling so miserable then? So miserable just trying to be myself now? So difficult to retain being true and not wavered by the surrounding..or rather, not feel demoralised.

It gets quite discouraging sometimes.

Try to be the most(my best) supportive and independent daughter = taken for granted by parents.

Try to be the most(my best) faithful and forgiving girlfriend = taken for granted by the ex

Try to be the most(my best) understanding and kind person = taken for granted by people

okayy at least I have a bunch of friends who really cherish me and are always so supportive of me. I should be counting my blessing. But I guess it’s human’s nature to feel discouraged when one is being unappreciated or when not receiving enough care and concern?

So can I really blame people for being jaded? It’s so tempting to love less, care less, involve ourselves less and so that it will hurt less.

It is so difficult to love people without the slightest expectation. I am no saint. I don’t expect rewards or gifts or favours. But perhaps a smile, a hug or even a thank-you is good enough? An acknowledgment to one’s existence and doings is so important?

Is it another of life’s lesson to me?

“To love means loving the unlovable.

To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable.

Faith means believing the unbelievable.

Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”

What have we taken for granted?

The skies that are blue? Or the birds swirling around the fluffy white clouds. The trees that sway as the leaves sashay to the rhythm of the wind? The morning sun that filters through the gaps of the leaves, and then enters through the clear window, onto one’s cheek that it gently caresses?

What have we taken for granted?

The people walking at different pace; some in quick short steps and others in long steady strides? People laughing as their eyes twinkle with fine lines bordering the temple and people frowning with their eyebrows in a deep burrow.

What have we taken for granted?

The voice of a loved one in a dial; the ability to leave messages in every form. The friends who always pick up their phones and reply one’s messages; the friends who are always missing in action but turns up at the very critical moment when one needs him/her.

What have we taken for granted?

Parents who are always supportive and think too highly of their children; parents who are critical and always nagging but meant well. Parents who threaten to take everything away but still pay for everything in the end.

What have we taken for granted?

The ability to speak one’s mind, to see, to feel, to listen to the crickets which sing at night. The ability to chase for the bus, and type random tweets and updates. To wake up next to a significant other and be able to watch and hear his or her gentle breathing as his or her chest rises up and down.

What have we taken for granted?

The tears that sting one’s eyes, to feel the heart aching and in pain. The joy that overwhelms one’s heart and overrides all previous hurt. The ability to feel emotions and be human.

We who have eyes too often complain that the world is ugly.

We who have been hurt, find it hard to open up and love again. We people find plenty of masquerades for ourselves. We call it different things; we say we are just protecting ourselves, we say we are just wiser, we say we are more careful, we say we are more experienced. However the truth is that we are just masking our cowardice. Not being able to love again or be nice or be kind again because one is afraid to get hurt again, does not make us stronger, wiser or more mature.

And then we take the things around us for granted unknowingly. We take for granted the people who were genuinely kind to us, people who had potential to be our best friends or even lovers, people who accept us for who we are.

Have we taken communication for granted? How convenient it is to just ask someone how was his/her day, or to say thank you, to apologise, to say you miss them or to say you love them..but how often do we really do that?

What have we taken for granted?

” Good-byes make you think, they make you realize what you’ve had, what you’ve lost, and what you’ve taken for granted.”

Warm tears are running down my cheeks as I type this entry.

Hurt. Cause you can’t get the acknowledgment, trust and faith you wished you could get from the very people you care the most. And it’s just isn’t there.

Helplessness. Cause you want to get the acknowledgment, trust and faith but you can’t do it at the moment. At this very instant. You really really want to but just can’t…for now.

Fear. What ifs. What if you can’t prove yourself. What if you failed. What if you can’t live up to whatever you claim you can be. Not that you don’t believe you in yourself but it’s also so important for the people you love to believe in you. Because at the very end of the day, we…are just these really fragile beings that want to live up to expectations, to prove ourselves and perhaps to provide a reason for people to love us.

I am standing at this crossroads now. Not the usual cross-shaped crossroads but crossroads within crossroads. In fact it looks more like an asterisk and I am situated right in the centre. Lots of decisions. Choices. Expectations. Consequences.

*

Frankly. It’s freaking scary.

If you are someone with as many goals and ambition as me, I think you’ll know what I mean.

It’s possible to accomplish things alone. Definitely possible but not easy. But it would definitely help if the closest people around are supportive and that would provide you with more courage and confidence.

That boils down to FAITH.

What’s faith?

Faith occurs when one believes in something that cannot be seen or something which haven’t been actualize yet.

And it’s a really important component in life. In fact one of the most important and fundamental thing in life.

My life can vow for it. Faith.

I’ve always lived by it. And that’s the only reason I’ve lived.

No matter how many bad or unfortunate things can happen to me. By faith, by believing in there’s something good( that had not happen), I pulled through.

However having faith alone is not good enough.

Faith becomes even more powerful when more people believe in the same thing.It is a chain reaction akin to a chemical reaction.When a certain ingredient multiplies, it becomes stronger and the results will be more tremendous.

The world these days lack of faith. Be it in themselves or most of the cases, on others. Why is this so?

There are a number of reasons.

1. Jaded by life experiences.

2. Fear.

Actually I could probably list more reasons down but i realised that everything boils down to fear and…self.

When you don’t believe in someone, you are

  • afraid of getting hurt
  • afraid of being disappointed
  • afraid of giving too much of yourself which = afraid of getting hurt

The root of the such a faithless society is that the majority emphasizes too much on self-protection.

Protect your rights. Protect your well-being. Protect your heart.

If everyone’s so busy protecting themselves and giving so little of what they can give. Can’t really complain why the society is so screwed up these days.Lack of love, compassion, empathy, etc..etc..

Have you ever at some point of your life wished that a particular person or group of people would have had believed in you, trusted in you, basically have faith in you?

If yes, have a little faith in someone who needs that from you today.

PS: My tears have stopped running. For all those who can’t gain the faith from people you care about, you can still have faith in yourself.  Good things are still more infectious than the bad. Darkness ceased to survive where there’s light.


Faith is like the wind. You know when it’s there.

You can’t see it but you can feel it.

As a child, I’ve always stood out more than my fellow peers due to my gregarious personality which was also fueled by the encouragement from my dad to voice my thoughts and opinions. While most kids were really quiet and shy on the first day of each school year( being in a new class and all) and could not wait to just quickly get over the introductory session, I was enthusiastic in introducing myself to the whole class and also those who sat around me. And so I went through Primary school( also known as elementary school) active in all school or class activities, always surrounded by a bunch of good friends. The emotional roller coaster which i went through since childhood and also my teenage years, had also pushed me to think differently from my peers later on. So the ability to “stand out”  and  “difference in thoughts” had sort of molded me in believing that I am a very unique individual( which I believe that most people think so of themselves).

I mean I still believe that I am unique as an individual and that everyone is also unique in their own ways. However in the recent months after having intense conversations with friends and random chats with strangers, the similarities and patterns got too much to ignore. I’ve realized that despite the personality difference between one person to another, when cast off the outer shield that we all don, we are pretty much the same. Most people ( belonging the same age group) have very similar needs, wants and also fears. And when breaking down all these, everyone is indeed quite similar.

Let’s do a breakdown of needs, wants and fears ( See how many you actually find yourself relating to)

Needs are basically very straightforward as everyone needs almost the same stuff. In fact the Masglow hierarchy of needs is a good illustration.

Masglow Hierarchy of Needs

List of  wants

  1. A good degree
  2. An interesting career
  3. A good car
  4. A nice house/apartment
  5. Singles: A good girlfriend/boyfriend/ potential spouse
  6. Get married
  7. Have kids
  8. Promotion at work
  9. Own business
  10. Early retirement
  11. More…

List of fears

  1. Fear of flying
  2. Fear of public speaking
  3. Fear of heights
  4. Fear of the dark
  5. Fear of rejection
  6. Fear of death
  7. Fear of intimacy
  8. Fear of failure
  9. Fear of commitment
  10. Fear of spiders/hamsters/cats/dogs/birds

So how many did you find yourself agreeing to?

The realization that people in general are more or less similar , has helped me to be even more accepting towards people and also breaks down the barrier of communicating to strangers or new friends.