This had been one of my most unproductive week by far. I need to learn how to create partitions for my head so I can temporarily cast all my troubles aside and come back to it at a more convenient time. Wishful thinking!

I am such a paradox sometimes. I am usually reserved and skeptical about strangers,however once the line is crossed and the transition into friendship takes place…trust and belief in the person will be given almost instantly. And guess people do take advantage of it somehow.

Call it naivety if you wish, I would always love to have faith and trust in people although I do know we humans are subjected to extreme fallibility.

Why still choose to do so despite knowing so? Well, in my perspective, the people around us..did not become the way they are( be it good or bad) just like that. They had gone through a series of processes before arriving to where they are. And most people who are “bad” were probably not as “bad” some time ago. Something must have happened that had shaped them into the way they are now.

Beneath a critical person, he/she perhaps needs lots of assurance himself/herself as he might be really insecure or inconfident about himself. Beneath a cynical person, he/she might have been hurt by people who he cared about very much. You get the idea right? And of course I do believe that some people were just inborn or rather prone towards certain negative traits, for eg: self centered, pessimistic, etc. However  I believe that majority of people are not bad creatures in general.

I’ve been burnt so many times, for trusting in people. It’s not that I don’t learn from my lesson but it’s due to my childish belief that people would be won over by kindness. I thought that by taking the first step of trusting and believing in the person would help to make him/she feel good and appreciated. Let’s put it simply that I thought kindness begets kindness.

Apparently not.

The world has become so messed up that sometimes “conscience” might not even exist. Human go to the extremes finding excuses to justify their faults or cover up totally. Using even the sciences to justify wrong morals. For example, why do men have a higher tendency to cheat? Oh because their biology makeup claims that they need to look for different mates and sow their seeds……to populate the world. Okay I’m being sarcastic but you get the gist.

And strangely when some people have taken advantage of someone, they blamed it upon the other person being stupidly kind or naive.

The really scary part is that some people manipulate others without the awareness that they are doing so. Think carefully, how many times a situation started with you feeling unjustified and after “clarification” or “confrontation”, you ended being the “bad guy” or deemed as the one making fuss. You ended up being the one feeling apologetic for something that you felt wronged about or victimized in the beginning.

It gets pretty disheartening sometimes but I am trying to stay optimistic..there must still be like-minded people out there.

I definitely hope I will not get jaded one day.